Being a new mum – no book can prepare! Overnight your life completely changes. Many women believe when they are pregnant that their life will be exactly the same as before, just with a baby. Oh my, what a rude awakening that can be! Before we know it new mum guilt kicks in.
Not only are you suddenly meant to become some sort of ‘baby whisperer’ but cope with your body post-natally too! The trauma of birth becomes a taboo subject and you should now be portraying a glowing earth mother – preferably surrounded by an aura of tranquillity!!
New Mum – The Reality
The truth is very different for most new mums. Even the most ‘textbook’ of births can be exhausting, painful and very, very long. For those babies that arrive unexpectedly and early there is often early onset guilt – ‘was it something I did’, ‘I should have known something was wrong’. Then we add a baby, hospital trip, breastfeeding and that’s all before we even get home.
Sleep deprivation kicks in quickly, combined with coping with a new baby and the pressure to breastfeed and those early days often lead to a massive overwhelm.
The Mum Guilt
So, you are now at home, pass the blur of those first few days and the accumulation of lack of sleep is being to take its toll. Gone are the days when generations lived in the same village and offered support. Now, partners take off 1-2 weeks, parents pop in to cuddle the baby, friends drop of lovely presents and then, we are on our own. Our role as a new mum has begun.
What happens, the guilt kicks in. We should be able to handle our baby, cook dinner, clean the house and of course, look amazing too! You look at Social Media, everyone else looks they are having the most amazing time with their new baby or juggling the family and a fabulous career. Surely it’s just you? Why then do you feel this mum guilt pretty much all the time?
No, it affects all us mums! Honestly, it does. In my classes, where I’ve been teaching baby massage & yoga for 15 years it is something I see all the time. It only takes one Mum to speak up, then they all chip in. The truth is that as a new mum we are all faced with challenges, as individual as our personalities. However, the good news is:
- You are not alone
- There are things you can do to help yourself
What can I Do?
- Find some support, from friends and family but also further afield. Join some baby classes locally, there are plenty of different activities out there. Connect with people in person, do not just rely on ‘virtual support’, the posts on Facebook or WhatsApp. It is important that you find other mums who are going through the same stage as you, support of like-minded mums is a very powerful thing! If you are local, then please do check out my baby classes, where so much focus is put on you as a mum. With plenty of time to chat and connect with other like-minded parents. You can see the full timetable here.
- Self-Care, I know this is the new current ‘in thing’ but it is so important to take a view on where you are in your priority list. This is something that I know I am really trying to work on. It seems ‘selfish’ to put ourself’s anywhere near the top of the daily ‘to do’ list, but we MUST. If we are too tired, get ill, feel exhausted all the time or risk our own physical and mental health, how can we support our family? You can read about some great ways that I have found to literally sneak in some all essential time for me.
- Get out and about. Leave the house, even if it takes you an hour to do it. If you don’t drive, then go for a walk with the buggy. If you can get out to classes, or meet up with friends then do. Getting fresh air is not only good for the body but also for your emotional state. Also, to go out you have to make an effort to get dressed, and sometimes that can seem an unachievable mountain all on its own. You don’t need to be dressed for a night out with full makeup, just not in a onesie!
- Try some Mindfulness. I know it is the buzz word at the moment but it can really help create moments where you can feel connected to yourself again. It is also amazing to use with babies! You can grab lots of FREE Mindful Resources over in the Mindful Parenting platform, including a guided meditation that is perfect for listening to for a few minutes.
- The thing is to find a way that works for you. Not just the good old bubble bath, but somethings that really make you happy. You can also check out some useful tips to use with the older kids in the Top Tips Blog too.
Ditch The Mum Guilt
So being a new mum is not the picture of mother earth delight it is often cracked up to be.
If you have days in your pj’s, realise you have been out all day with baby vomit down your back, have cried over trying to get a car seat out of a car. Well, then welcome to Motherhood! You are part of a tribe that acknowledges your guilt – but can tell you to let that stuff go! You are doing an amazing job!
If you want to learn how to introduce Mindfulness into your family then my book Mindful Moments is available on Amazon. It has some great ways of how to add in meditation and mindfulness for parents and children.
If you would like some monthly tips on Parenting then do sign up to the newsletter, I promise not to spam you!
For details on a great Mindfulness App
For more Mindfulness Resources then do check out my Mindful Parenting platform
For more details on Mother Guilt read some of the amazing blogs by The Guilty Mother.